In Limbo

Grief, Life changes, Limbo, Mother, Uncategorized

That moment when something happens that shakes your foundation so hard it takes awhile to regain your balance…

That is where I sit now; “In Limbo” I would like to call it because it feels like a space where I am “caught up” …but also like a really bad dance.

 

My mom died.

I am about to turn 40.

My son is about to be a senior in high school.

I am about to turn 40.

My mom died.

 

MY mom… died.

 

I just keep coming back to that one because it doesn’t seem real.

I think more than any of the others, that one has me dancing this crazy dance and feeling caught between two worlds.

She was here and doing great, then she was sick, and then she was gone…in three short months.

Now, I’m floating in this space of mom’s stuff and dad’s loneliness and my own grief.

There is a gaping hole in the world where she once stood.

I am “In Limbo” between the world with her and the world without her…I’m learning the steps to a dance I don’t even like.

3 thoughts on “In Limbo”

  1. You have always been good with words, and you describe it so well. I have to remind myself a lot that this is reality now. A life without my mom. There are days where it still feels like a bad dream. I wish it were…

    If it weren’t for Griffin and Mabel occupying all my time, I would be a complete mess.

    As far as the big 40, it’s just a number!

    Love you!

    Jessica

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  2. Living in the South tends to have closer family relationships. Very happy that you and your mom had a great relationship. I found myself in a similar situation. I moved to North Carolina to take care of my dad 3 years ago. He went way faster than I was prepared for. Died right before Christmas and a month later we found out that my wife had cancer.
    Looking back I am so glad I was able to take care of my dad, but I have paid a hefty price for that decision.
    Your experiences will benefit others with your counseling. It will also give you a compassion because you know the pain.
    Limbo – numbness. I feel your pain. I no longer believe that time heals the pain but that with time there are just more distractions to hide the pain.
    You have a friend
    David

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    1. You are correct David; the wounds of loss are never healed! The pain changes like the tide. Some days it is really low and some days it can carry away everything in its path. Blessings to you my friend. Vanessa

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